"How to crush Vivian's hopes" by Vivian

Dear internet people,

My hopes are crushed.
Oh so crushed.
I feel despair.
In my bones.
My hopes are crushed.
So very, very crushed.

Why be-eth my bones so crushed dareth thou ask?
Because nobody commented on my blog and I did not chuckle or give away a ring! Tis why my hopes are crushed.

No chuckles. None. Not from me. No sir E Bob. I am crushed.

Why did you not comment? I see the page views. I know life is humorous. See the humor! Share the humor! Win a ring! So simple, yet nobody comments. That hurts my brains. Yes. I did mean to type brains.
I almost forgot to check and see who won today. I've been so stinking busy. I got on here in hopes of a chuckle or two and a winner to proclaim, but alas no winners there be.

Wow. Apparently when I get sad I wax poetic, dramatic, and eth and thou-ey.

Ok. So now that I have guilted the internet world. . . You wana comment and tell me whether I should try the ring thing again? I feel like I'm talking to a wall. My mother said I should say- Well, at least my mom thinks I'm funny.
But I don't wana sound like a balding 30 year old man who needs a life and a bath.

Thanks for reading. Or not reading. Whatever you're doing out there. I love you. And so does Jesus.
Even though you are not commenting about humorous living.

Squished and poetic,
Vivian's hopes

Giveaway!!

I just had a dance party in the kitchen with my Mommy. We so fly!
I think we frightened the small children actually. .

My mom's friend was over today and she went to hug Miranda and they both got shocked and she shouts, "Ow! That made the boogies fly out my nose!"

 I wasn't really sure what to do with that. So, I blogged.

Brent was playing with a bicycle pump and was blowing air into his face the other day and he says, "Wow. They must put a lot of air into these things when they make them!"
Aw. Brent. Poor child. He was dropped on his head as a baby.

So, I bet you're wondering about the giveaway. Lemme 'splain.
I will make you a ring similar to this. .

                               This. .

                                        Or this. .

   If you leave me a chuckle worthy comment and I draw your name on December 30th.

Thanks for reading! Good luck!

We shall scatter in subjects!

Hi, I'm going insane today. Come on! Join me! It's fun. Really.
I feel so loopy it's insane. My mom says it's because I'm a teenager. I think that's her excuse for everything.
"Why did the elephant escape from the zoo and pee on our house?"
"Because you're a teenager."
Makes perfect sense right?

So, I've been working on Christmas presents like a mad woman. I'm still not quite finished. 74 gingerbread cookies lie ahead of me in my future. Good thing I like to cook. Haha. AND I got a rolling pin for Christmas so I won't go crazy and want to shoot things when I can't flatten the dough. No worries. My parents won't let me use a real gun and further more I don't have a desire to shoot a real gun. I like nerf. You know, they actually have new nerf guns that have hard plastic on the end and actually hurt when they hit you now. My brothers got them for Christmas. I've been hit in the head so many times that I've lost count, already. I'm definitely gonna have to retaliate.

My mother just informed Chad that his devil horns are devil-ey.
Referring to his haircut of course.

That's better than earlier. She was cutting Brent's hair . .
Brent- Hair in my face! Hair in my mouth! Get it out!!!
Mom- Stop breathing!!
Yes, mom. Perfectly rational.

 I've also been making bracelets and bracelets and rings as Christmas presents. I am considering selling them. I just don't know what price range to go for. .

                                 Best pals!

                                  That was for my best friend!

                                  Kaitlyn's bracelet!

                          I think these might sell really well at my brother's basketball games.

                                   For my dearest cousin, Emma!

                                    Katie's bracelet!

                                   My sister's ring. M for Miranda. Or Moo. Ahh yes. Nicknames. Haha

                             Rainbow ring!

                                 Black ring.

                                            Butt freckle. For giggle benefits of course.

 We watched Eragon last night. You know what I decided? I want a dragon. A blue one. Because dragon's are cool.

Love story of the day!
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

How romantic!

How do you put a giraffe in the refrigerator?
Open the door. Put him in. Close the door.
How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
Open the door. Take out the giraffe. Put the elephant in. Close the door.

Lame. Yeah. I know. I'd heard that one before too.

How about this?

The lion, the king of the jungle, throws a party. Everyone in the jungle comes except one animal. Which animal didn't come?

 Do you have the right answer? I do! If you know it and are first to comment and get it right you win! What might you win you ask?
. . . . . Bragging rights I suppose. . Haha
Ready? Set? Go.

 Thanks for reading!

Long time, no blogging

Sorry, I have not blogged lately. Well, if you like my blogs I'm sorry. If not, I apologize for blogging so soon. Haha.

 Ok. So I just sat here for two minutes because my train of thought got derailed, but I'm pretty sure I was gonna say something about Christmas and cookies.

Do you facebook stalk? If you don't, you should. It's a great hobby! Really. Here's some quotes from stalking people with my friend. This is also the reason you should never take breathing treatments right before bedtime. They hype you up.

 * While looking it at incredibly attractive guy *
-Now that's magically delicious!! Is it bad that I want to take this picture and keep it forever?!
 . . . Dude. . . If my mom sees this I am totally asking for him for Christmas!

*While looking at cute guy*
- Vivian, I want him for Christmas! No! Wait. I want the other one! (Speaking of Mr. Incrediblyattractiveguy up there.)

*While looking at incredibly attractive guy*
- Ahhh! You're so pretty! I wish I could be on skype with you! I would be like, 'Hi, why are you in the bathroom? I like the sign behind you. . It matches your beautiful eyes. . . Did I mention you're pretty?!

* at end of cute guy stalking time *
-Thank you for guy shopping with me!!

1-I'm sorry. I just  tooted. Can you smell it?!
2- Bahahahahahahahah!!
1-I'm waiting for you to poot! You never poot. You should poot some time.
*later on*
2-Oops! There's that poot you wanted!
1-Yay! You pooted!

For some reason these people didn't want their names revealed. . Hmm. Shocker.

Definition of pantnapping- The action of stealing another being's britches.

-Well I went pantnapping. . I have decided that you can't pantnap boys. Boys don't have butts.
- I need to get some more money so that you can go pantpurchasing instead of pantnapping.

Lesson of the week- Never let your brother borrow your pants.

This came about because I pantnapped my brother. I claimed his sweatpants as mine because he said they were ugly. They weren't ugly. And I like sweatpants. Therefore, I now owned these pants. Well, the silly boy lost his sweatpants so he borrowed mine for basketball practice. Then, they went missing. I could not find these pants for the life of me. We hunted and hunted and could not find them. Come Christmas morning we are opening presents and I open mine from him. Lo and behold! My pants!!! They were still dirty, because he apparently found them in his closet the night before, but they were my pants none the less. I was super happy. I missed my pants. He's never borrowing them again.
Pictures of the pant reunion to come. . .

-Ahhh! It's not working! I have a malfunctioning woman's apple!

- Isn't it cool how people make fake grass and they can never make it match real grass because no one can comepare with God;s creation?!

*Painting*

-Ahhhh! It's mustard grass! I added yellow, but it shouldn't make it do that!! Stupid mustard grass!! I keep adding green and it just looks worse! It's not supposed to do that, because grass is green!

- My feet smell weird! You wana sniff 'em?!
- Umm. .  Lemme think. . No.

- Where did your heart go missin'?! I know you had it the other day.

-That's my threat!
-Your face is a threat!

Only some 'your face' jokes can be funny. And only occasionally. This does not make those jokes cool in any way.

- Wow! That was an evil kind of burp!!

My sister lost her glasses at our friends'  house and my brother ( I just typed brother as bother. That fits way better.) found them in a cabinet. . .
1- Why were they in the cabinet?
2-She got hot so she--
1- Took her glasses off? Oh! That helps!
*imitates taking glasses off and wipes forhead*
1-Whoo! Much better!

Listen to Man of the Hour by Nora Jones. Super cute. Hahah Link!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_YvaM9EkH0

Selena Gomez- The things I never wana be I owe to you.
Gotta love it.

Hope you had a Merry Christmas! Thank you for reading my senseless babbling and insanity :)
God bless! TTFN!

Let's learn spanish!

The La Cucaracha. Aka The cockroach.

 Let's translate!

Here's one version. It's supposed to be pre-revolution lyrics.

La cucaracha, la cucaracha,	The cockroach, the cockroach,
ya no puede caminar	can't walk anymore
porque no tiene, porque le falta	because it doesn't have, because it's lacking
las dos patitas de atrás.	its two back feet.

De las patillas de un moro                              From the sideburns of a Moor tengo que hacer una escoba,                    I must make a broom, para barrer el cuartel                        to sweep the quarters la infantería española.                    of the Spanish infantry.

Revolution lyrics-

La cucaracha, la cucaracha,	The cockroach, the cockroach,
ya no puede caminar	can't walk anymore
porque no tiene, porque le falta	because it doesn't have, because it's lacking
marihuana pa' fumar.	marijuana to smoke.
Ya murió la cucaracha	The cockroach just died
ya la llevan a enterrar	now they take her to be buried
entre cuatro zopilotes	among four buzzards
y un ratón de sacristán.	and a mouse as the sexton.

	Ya se van los carrancistas, And the Carrancistas, ya se van haciendo bola, are on full retreat, ya los chacales huertistas             and the Huertistan jackals se los trayen de la cola.                   will catch and imprison them.
	Oigan con gusto estos versos            Hear with pleasure these verses, escuchen con atención, listen carefully: ya la pobre cucaracha now the poor cockroach no consigue ni un tostón.   doesn't even get a tostón.

	The dish is made from sliced green (unripe) plantains which are cut either length-wise or width-wise and are twice fried.
	odo se ha puesto muy caro                  Everything has been very expensive con esta Revolución, in this Revolution, venden la leche por onzas selling milk by the ounce y por gramos el carbón.       and coal by the gram.
	Cuando uno quiere a una         When a man loves a woman y esta una no lo quiere, but she doesn't love him back, es lo mismo como si un calvo it's like a bald man en calle encuentra un peine.            finding a comb in the street. Mi vecina de enfrente My neighbor across the street se llamaba Doña Clara, used to call herself Doña Clara, y si no hubiera muerto and if she hadn't died así se llamaría. that's what she would call herself.    Kids are singing this stuff in Elementary school? Yikes. Lol Some of these are scary and some are funny. Haha. Thanks for reading!

More glue

So, After my last post I promptly went to use the superglue. My parents were hesitant to let me use it again this  year, because last year I got my toe glued to my sock. .

Very fun. Yes indeed.

This year I was way more careful. I glued an angel's head on. All went well.
Next came the wiseman. All was well until I got my finger glued to his insides.
Having superglue on your finger is like having dry  crusty boogers on your hand, but stickier.
Then, I tried to put a ribbon on a candy cane. Needless to say I almost had a ribbon stuck to my finger for the rest of  forever.
Then, I tried to glue a nutcracker's beard back on. I had beard stuck to my finger. When I tried to pull it off it was like pulling hair out of your head. So, I had a bearded finger. I had to shave it.
Lol.
Maybe I'll do better next time.
I have something for you to  google.
Buttfreckle. I can't explain. Look at pictures and read on it lol.
If you haven't giggled today this famous booty dot ought to do it. lol

Why you don't let me use the spray glue

So, on Monday nights I babysit at my church and I try to have a craft every week.
Last Monday we made wreaths. We were going to spray them with the spray glue and then put glitter on them.
So I spray the glue several times in a row and all was well. Then I tried to take my finger off the nozzle. . . Uh-oh. It's stuck. *insert semi-frantic pulling here*  I got it off my finger. . or so I thought. I looked at my finger and the nozzle had popped off and was still glued to my finger. So, I pulled it off only to get it stuck to another finger. I tried again and it came off. . . . But my fingers got glued together. So, I tried to unstick my thumb from my pointer only to get my other pointer stuck to the same thumb. I finally managed to get completely unglued. I went to put the nozzle back on the glue. Bad choice. I held the side in hopes that I wouldn't get stuck, but instead of not sticking I ended up with , not one, but two fingers glued to the nozzle. So, I finally managed to unglue everything and got done with only two sore fingers. Oh, and throughout all this one of the little boys is pouring pounds of glitter everywhere.

I needed to use the glue again this Monday. I was way more careful and all went well until I had to walk to another room and went to move my hand and find that my thumb was glued to my pants. . I stopped and yanked it off and it had blue jean fuzzies all over it.

I need to use that glue next week too. Maybe I can make it through with out getting glued to a wall.

I have some quote from this weekend that I think are entertaining.


- I think your boney-ness is attractive!

- Don't say anything nice if you can't say anything at all!

- Oh, if only you could hear through your nose!
- You could if your ears were there!
- Umm. . Jacob. . Ears aren't there. That's why I said that.
- But still. If ears were there you could hear.
- Nevermind. .

- What do best friends do together?
- Shave warts and blow hairs into the toilet!
Lol. Twisted friendship. Hahaha

Thanks for reading!

Hamsters and cavemen

I realized that hamster wheels are not actually fun for hamsters. They are a method of torture. They aren't funness that encourages exercise! The hamster actually thinks it can climb up it and is totally baffled when it can't get up there. The hamster is thinking- I will climb! I will climb out! And the humans are like- Oh look at the cute hamster having so much fun! And the hamster is like- *GASPING* Need more oxygen. .  Must climb! Why isn't this thing working?! And humans are like- Oh! I am glad the hamster is enjoying the new "toy" I got him! Doesn't he look happy?!
No you silly human. Your hamster is wondering why his climbing wall is not climbing properly and you have hoaxed your dear hamster. That is why hamster wheels are torture.
And to think. This whole thought process came along because we rodent-sat the obese hamster over Thanksgiving.

Anyways. So, my mom and I were talking and a thought came across. We were joking about caveman dating. You know, where they whack the woman over the head and drag 'em in the cave? Yeah, that one. Anyway, we started to wonder if  there was any caveman dating etiquette and so we searched it and decided that I should share some of these humorous caveman "etiquette" rules.

* Avoid perfume. You want him to think of you as a potential girlfriend. Not a meal.

* Expect you date to order a steak or something. It will probably be cooked very rare or very burnt depending on how far he has evolved.

* Don't try to change your caveman; instead learn to embrace his inner sensitivity while ignoring his outward behavior.

 

* Expect to be running most of the conversation, Cavemen are known for being quiet except for the occasional grunt. ( I think this one could go for men other than the cave ones. Haha.)

 

So, if you ever wana know how to date a caveman. . Google it. Hahaha

Thanks for reading!